The Why of Things
Maybe it is the holidays or maybe it is the end of another eventful year, but this is the time that I wonder about the whys. Why am I here at this specific time and this specific place? Would my life be different if there had been no Otto in my life or if I had not met Foxy?
I do know that if Foxy, my little Chihuaha-terrier mix, hadn’t been in my life, I might have had a worse time with thyroid cancer. It has been this little dog that helped me through so much when I lost so much.
Is it all destiny? Or is it free-will? I think it is both.
In my mind destiny is the bombs we have in our genetic code. Destiny is who our parents are and how we are raised. Free-will is how we take those strengths and weaknesses and create something new.
So every year I wonder if I have exercised my free-will or if I have back slid into destiny. It is an even split this year.
For instance my writing has suffered the last few years. I have allowed my fatigue to consume much of my day when I could have written. To be fair if I don’t allow for rest, I can collapse. It is very distressing to have lost that energy that used to course through me. Even my ambition has suffered.
On the other hand I found ballroom dance. It has taken a lot of energy, but I’ve also enjoyed learning and the socializing that has come with it. It has taken me out of my comfort zone and brought me joy.
This year I have been able to advise and support younger souls who were going through depression and health problems. It isn’t concrete, but I can put that on my create list. I’ve helped a couple of people with their writing. I’ve provided a platform for others to feel safe when they read their creations.
My name will not be lost in history.
When I was much younger, I wanted to have a name that others would remember whether it was from my writings or my actions. Leaving a legacy was very important to me. Then I met illness.
I do not want my legacy to be of suffering.
So today I will write more, I will dance more, and I will listen more.