The Toil'et God

A Sea Shanty for Hard Times

I first wrote a sea chanty after my year stint with I.V. Cytoxan. It was not on the same level, but it did express my feelings as I took hit after hit.

Once again I’m doing chemo for cancer, this is a more beefed up version of the original. I’ll post the original at the bottom. Also ChatGPT (Chad) helped me with stage directions.

The Toil’et God (A Sea Shanty for Hard Times)

Sailors onboard a ship, sailing through a huge storm, pulling ropes, huge waves

(Verse 1 – Call & Response)
(Lead): You poke through the I.V. tied in me arm—
(Crew): Curse, curse, curse and a charm!
(Lead): The poison runs swift like a tide in the night—
(Crew): It is a terrible sight!

(Lead): Drink water, me hearties! Let it all flow—
(Crew): Flush, flush, flush it away!
(Lead): Chase out the devil from deep down below!
(Crew): Flush it away! O’, Flush it away!

(Chorus – Call & Response)
(Lead): Away, ‘way!
(Lead): I hear this song!
(Crew): A wretched tune!
(Lead): With me head bent low—
(Lead): To the toil-et god!
(Crew): O’ mercy, true!

(Verse 2 – Call & Response)
(Lead): The doctor storms in, like a captain so bold—
(Crew): "Do. Do. Do as yer told!"
(Lead): He shouts, "Drink yer water! Take orders, don’t slack!"
(Crew): "Or ye'll be keelhauled, flat on yer back!"

(Lead): The toilet god laughs, says, "Tribute is due!"
(Crew): "Bow down,! Bow down, ye fool!"
(Lead): I pay him me share, with a groan and a sigh—
(Crew): "Give it yer all, bid it goodbye!"

(Chorus – Repeat, rowdy)

(Verse 3 – Call & Response)
(Lead): Now maybe I’ll sink, or maybe I’ll sail—
(Crew): Roll, roll, roll with the gale!
(Lead): But I won’t waste time on sorrow and wails—
(Crew): There is no reason to cry!

(Lead): I’m bravin’ the storm, I’m tied to the mast—
(Crew): Hold! Hold! Hold on tight!
(Lead): With salt in me veins, I’ll fight til the last!
(Crew): Fight, fight, fight til the last.

(Chorus – Repeat, rowdier!)

(Verse 4 – Spoken with a wink)
I’m doin’ me best to follow the chart,
Though some of these orders ain't too bloody smart!

(Final Chorus – Crew stomping and shouting!)

Original:

Chemo Chanty

(Verse 1)

You poke through the I.V.
that threads through my veins.
The poison flows
through a river of blood.

Drink water to excess
to flush it away.
The bad cells are dying,
dying away.

(Chorus)

Away, ‘way
I hear this song
with my head bent over
the toilet god.

(Verse 2)

Now maybe I’ll live
and maybe I’ll die,
but life is too short
to worry and cry

I’m doing my best
to live without fear,
by following some
of my doctor’s request.

(singer winks)

(Chorus, Repeat 2x)