Sometimes there is a twist

Medical Journey

a blonde woman in a field of yellow flowers, looking to the sky, sunshine and shadow flickering around her and pink shoes

While friends and family frantically looked for me I thought I was lying on the floor of my cancer center, begging for the nurses to take me next. I knew I was in line for the next procedure, but I wasn’t sure if the nurses were noticing the people lying on the floor.

As I waited longer and longer I could feel the whispers of the other people on the floor, saying that the nurses couldn’t see me and wouldn’t help me. I lay there trying to move at least across the floor, but I was stuck. I could see the people around me and some were getting off the floor and others were not.

As I tried harder to get the nurses to notice me, a large standing brown bear watched me from a distance. At this point I knew the nurses wouldn’t or couldn’t hear or see me, so I screamed. When the nurses didn’t notice me, I screamed louder.

I could feel myself loose in my skin and I could feel my grip become even looser. This time I screamed with every part of my soul. I could feel it bounce and amplify. Then the bear seem to make a decision and sat down beside me. It didn’t say help would be coming. No, it was a quiet sense of protection that would be there for me. Whatever happened after this point was not in my power.

Then I woke in the St. Rose Sienna Hospital.

The first question I was asked in the hospital was “What happened?”

I was still confused, but I thought I hit my head twice. The memory was that I fell down and hit the back of my head. I even felt soreness there. The rest of my story was that when I tried to get to the phone to call 911, I fell on my face and then blacked out.

My second story was that I just blacked out.

My brother knew I hadn’t fallen on the back of my head because when he saw me in the ER, he requested the doctors to order an MRI to see if something structural had caused that fall. There was no concussion, and no stroke—not even a bump.

I saw a picture of what I looked like in the ER. There was dried blood on my face, black in my mouth that was gluing it together, and the damage seemed to be mostly on my chin and cheek. It was a gruesome picture.

As an aside, I had a session with wound care, followed their instructions, and two days in rehab my face wounds healed.

The black in my mouth was so hard, it took a long time to get it out of my mouth. My second brother was in the ER. I don’t remember this part, but he told me later that after they got me to a hospital bed, I convulsed for a day. It scared him. He stayed with me.

Then I woke up.

So after telling my story of two head hits, my brother knew that my mind was still in that place where dreams and reality meet, namely hallucinations. My body was also in survival mode so anything I heard was antagonistic. The food was pureed. I cannot tell you how awful pureed food tastes.

My brother became happier when he realized I was recognizing the hallucinations from reality when I said, “I can see pink walls, and foamy ceilings, but I know the walls and ceiling are actually white.”

Soon it became clear that I couldn’t go home yet. My brother was still making medical decisions. The nurses did confirm with me if he had that power and I said yes. Even a notarized medical power of attorney.

Important tip: Always get a medical power of attorney, it is different than the general one. If you don’t, then your designated family member or friend can’t make decisions. The hospital will do it for you.

Valley Health Speciality Hospital is where I suggest you go here if you need good rehab center in Las Vegas, Nevada.

In this rehab center, you do three hours of therapy a day, which doesn’t include therapy like “speech therapy” or anything special that you need. The other factor to the choice was that this therapy center was across the street from my brother’s children’s school.

I learned something very important. When the mind is confused and has a tendency to make up stories, which is a good thing for a storyteller but not so much for real life, then physical therapy is the key to getting the mind back to the body.

We did leg and arm exercises. We did the bicycle and the hand bycicle. We walked the halls and even when outside a few times. Occupational therapy helped me to shower, and then we worked on things like folding clothes, talking and touching base with people. Even the most disabled person was helped to strengthen their bodies.

I watched one therapist carefully rub a patient’s ankle then put it on a board so they could push. When I first saw the patient, she couldn’t hold up her head. A few days later her head was high and she was pushing a small board.

Valley Health Speciality Hospital decided to put all of their specialists in the same building so that the patients were served better. I do believe that they were very helpful in bringing me back from the void I was hanging over.

So what did happen? We only have clues and breadcrumbs, but here is what we gathered.

1. On Thursday Lisa, a friend who I write with, called from another State to tell the police I was missing and that I needed a wellness check.

2. Minutes later my brother in California also called for a wellness check and was told by the police that he was the second call. This made it serious

3. My second brother, who was with me through the ER, went to the admin to find a way to get into my apartment. They told him he had to have the keys to get in and even though he was family and a contact, they couldn’t help him.

4. The police were at my door waiting for me to yell for help. The privacy laws are so strict that they couldn’t even open the door.

5. My friend and first brother assured them that I hadn’t gone on a private fun day because I was dealing with cancer and wouldn’t leave during treatment.

6. Three hours later, the locksmith came and changed the locks. At this time they told my friend and the family that they would only call them back after they discerned the situation.

7. I’m not sure the total time from the police call to the locksmith, but it sounded like 6 hours. Please correct me if I am wrong.

8. My second brother told me that I was so dehydrated that the doctors didn’t know how I survived. I disappeared after my full day at the cancer center on Tuesday. Tuesday was labs, chemo, hydration, radiation, and talking to two doctors. I was there the entire day.

9. My cancer doctor said I was doing well on treatment and my radiation doctor was pleased too. The radiation doctor told me that this was the hardest cancer to treat—tongue cancer.

10. My cancer center were the first to notice I was gone when I didn’t show up for treatment the next day. They sent a message to my phone.

11. Dehydration— my sodium levels were low normal like always but my hydration was the same as if I had been a sailor who had tried to supplement his water with ocean water and them succumbed. There might have been delusions. This is the exact scenario that one of the doctors told my second brother.

12. Finally, when we came home we found that elements of my story were still part of the hallucination. For instant I thought I had taken a shower— the plug in the shower was still in it So I wasn’t naked. Nice touch for a storyteller though.

    1. There were tissues on the floor all through most of the house, which made it look like that when I was “not there” my body was walking around throwing things on the floor and trying to blow my nose.

    2. I was having problems with thick saliva and had been given various methods of thinning it. Losing saliva that way is a quick downturn to dehydration. Even meds to thin the saliva can cause dehydration. I was using a motion sickness patch, which was helping some.

    3. The thick saliva made it harder to eat, drink, and breath.

    4. In the living room where I was found, the two rugs and one pillow smelled of old saliva. I had thrown several DVDs (yep the old ones) and stuff all around the room. I had moved some heavy stuff—no wonder I was sore— and it looked like I was trashing stuff. I even lost a power plug from my computer.

    5. I was found on the floor, and I haven’t seen the police report.

I may never know what actually happened. Both of my brothers who were involved believe dehydration and think the treatment was a big part of the problem. The brothers told me that they had forgotten how sensitive my body was to medications. This was another proof that “good for everyone else” is not necessarily good for me.

One really good thing came of this— My kidneys went from 1.2-1.4 creatinine levels to .9. You might not know what those numbers mean but 1.2-1.4 mean that my kidney transplant was successful, but I have to be careful of that kidney. A .9 creatinine level means my transplanted kidney is better than most people.

One of my kidney doctor were so gleeful about that little fact, that he bragged to the nurses that my kidney was was better than his. Plus I got a different kidney doctor every day to check on me just to see how that kidney was doing. I thought that was funny after the kidney doctor’s brag.

I’m feeling fragile. I’ve come out of this a slightly different person. I’m more tentative. I’m more willing to work with my brothers to find a solution to keep me safe. I’m becoming less independent, which is saying a lot, and listening more to their input.

We’ve lost too many family members since December and they don’t want to lose more. I understand. Just sometimes I wonder why I’m still here.

Maybe we will get more answers and maybe we won’t.

Me in 1966.