So 2023 walked in the door

Happy New Year

Photo by Elijah Hiett on Unsplash

When I reflect on 2022, it was another year where the world underneath me seemed to be falling away. There were good things— like dance and bad things—like dealing with the kidney transplant people. Every time I tried to write fiction, I didn’t have the energy or I just had a blank mind. Last year I wanted to get some writing out there and it didn’t happen.

These little reflective pieces are what I call the junk that slips through my mind. I let it out by trying to find the right words and then I banish them. One thing I noticed that I had more energy for joy in dance, but I also had more energy for those quick flicks of anger. I want to be less angry this year.

I want to have more vitality.

This year instead of writing down hard goals, I asked myself questions:

1. What am I feeling? Do I need some quiet time? Do I need to rest? Do I need to eat?

2. What am I spending my money on? Do I really need it?

3. Am I present in this moment?

4. Am I writing?

5. Is my home a safe haven?

Just a few things for me to remember when I go through appointment after appointment and when my transplant people disappointment me. I need to remember that I can choose how I feel about where I am now.

I can choose how I feel when the doggy misses her pee pad. I can choose how I feel every minute of every hour of every day.

I will make my apartment more homey. I will burn more scented candles and listen to more calming music.

In the end I will create what I want to experience in 2023.