Recently, I've been finding a lot of muscle stress in my neck, shoulders, and stomach area. I have been going to a chiropractor, who relieved much of this stress. When I came in each week the stress would be there as strong as ever.
I haven't been back for almost a month because during that time I had flu symptoms and did not want to spread it to others.
A few days ago one of the people I watch on Youtube talked about forgiveness. It was a different viewpoint than what I had learn from my early childhood religious education. What she said which came from a book called "A Course in Miracles" is that in forgiveness we need to learn to forgive our reactions to others. It is when we use that grace to forgive ourselves, then we can let past hurts go.
If you had brought this lesson to me about thirty years ago, I would have told you that people should not be forgiven and that they should be punished. I hadn't come to realization that when I judged others, I actually judged myself. One of the reasons I had rejected forgiveness because my father, who I considered a weak man, would preach "turn the other cheek" even when it was detrimental to himself and to his family.
Nowadays I have come to the conclusion that I do have ways of protecting myself from the hurts and slings of others. However, forgiveness is a practice that heals me from my ego-driven judgy nature.
How have I used this practice in my meditation?
Recently, after I went through my relaxation and came to that quiet place in myself, I began to forgive myself for my childhood. I owned that my part in the hurt was how I held those memories as a shield against others. As I forgave myself, I felt the pain that I carried in my stomach release. It was wonderful to feel painfree in that area.
Just this little meditation helped me so that I didn't react extremely negatively when my dialysis supplies were over three hours late. I was able to forgive my reaction to this and to accept that even though the supplies were late, I didn't need to rage about it.
I have to admit that one meditation will not unpick the habits of a lifetime. But I do believe that if I add this to my meditation practice, I am sure my health will improve.
"Judge not, that ye be not judged." Matthew 7:1